suffering friendship

How do I tell you I'm sorry -

With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized

I hurt you so very much?
I do not ask forgiveness,

A comfort I'll never deserve.

I merely want to let you know,
But I cannot find the nerve.

To finally confront you, face-to-face,
To look you in the eye,

To face your wrath, your apathy -

Too terrified to try.
You called me selfish, I turned away,

I festered and I fled;

Cutting and wounding and lashing out,

Just to see if you bled.

Betraying and deceiving you,

I surely had no right

To snatch away such a precious gem;

A dark thief in the night.

Four years and forever passed

To bring us to this day,

When I present these simple words

I never thought to say.

The time has come, it's long past due,

To put aside my fear;

Would this confession torture you,

Or have you longed to hear?

To hear those two forbidden words,

To vanquish all the pain,

To understand my dearest wish:

To know you once again.

The years aged me remarkably,

Though they have not made me wise;

I do know I erred irrevocably -

For that I apologize.

After I lost my best friends,vivian&munyi,my life like very lonely...no one else can be with and listen to my problem. Eventhough I know that there are still many true friends around me but my heart just couldn't accept the new one. I know myself need a true friend but when everytime I saw them with others my heart felt very pain... Am I jealous? No,but fear... I don't want to lost any of my friends. May be that the reason till now I still having distance with them... I tried to join them... Honestly,I felt alone than ever when they are happy... I don't know the reason...

Till today my heart still very pain... I very hate vivian and munyi! But deep in my heart I really very appreciate our friendship... Its truth. I told myself if once day they turn back and apologize I swear I will forgive them. I don't care what had they done to me I just wanted our friendship back to the beginnig. Please GOD bless me... I am really suffering... my heart cannot stand longer,give me one more chance to repair our friendship... I willing to do anything as long as I can get back the friendship with them...I love you,GOD!